Monday, November 06, 2006

I am learning that sadness can be more than a feeling. It's become a place I inhabit.

I'm talking here about sadness for the home I've left. This sadness is both more and less than grief, that shocked, protesting reaction to having things torn away from us. People talk about working their way through grief, or coming to terms with it, both concepts born of their hope that in time, the feeling will lessen.

You learn to inhabit sadness when you've embraced it. I don't want the feeling to go away. I don't seek sympathy; I don't feel regret. Walking away was my own choice; I needed to be someplace else. I think I knew this sadness would be part of it, though I'm not sure I understood just how vast it would be. Now I need to keep this huge empty place inside my heart because I need to remember what was there--because, as paradoxical as it may seem, I am what was there.

Living in sadness can stretch us, I think. I am learning a greater compassion, because we've all lost something, starting with Eden.


At 5:38 PM, Blogger Rachel's Big Dunk said...

One Foot,
I am right there with you. I still feel a sense of grief for my old church, even though I know, full well, that I can't ever go back.

Sadness is a place we inhabit. I like that.


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