Tuesday, September 12, 2006

For those who caught that throw-away line at the end of yesterday's blog, here's how that part unfolded:

I reached a point where I had narrowed my church choices down to two, but I could not seem to get any clearness about what next. I decided I would just try to pray as if I belonged in whichever congregation I happened to find myself, which I thought was a very reasonable approach, but the follow-up was that I felt really crazy and I resolved to stop thinking about it or praying about it at all. I was going to try to put it out of my mind for the time being.

At that point the subject started to come up again in my prayers seemingly on its own, and what I heard God saying to me with increasing clarity was not that he wanted me in the Episcopal church, but that it was OK with him if that's where I felt I needed to be. Which I did, because over the past few months I have been seeing myself more and more as a serious misfit in the Catholic church. I felt God was telling me that if I joined the Episcopal church, "I won't change, and you won't change, and that other door will always be open to you. This is what I've been telling you for a long time, but either you think you're better than me and are refusing to hear what I'm saying, or you're considerably more dense than I've been giving you credit for."

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