Monday, August 28, 2006

Where are we going?

I feel asleep last night and woke up again this morning wondering (or, perhaps more accurately, figuratively shaking my fist at heaven and demanding to know) where God is taking me.

I've pretty much narrowed my church choices to two: one Roman Catholic, one Episcopal. I made myself crazy for a while thinking too much about how they stacked up against each other and trying to choose one. Then I resolved to quit comparing and just be present, praying as if I belonged wherever I found myself, and waiting to see if in time I might come to know that one of them was the right place for me.

I thought that was a good approach. I thought it would make me happy, since there are things I really like about each of them, but the result at the moment is that I've become a hypercritical consumer of liturgy (as per yesterday). Both places feel inadequate to the point where I'm ready to considering giving up church completely for awhile, except that I know I'm way too much in the habit to see myself happily sitting alone somewhere on a Sunday morning.

Hmmm, what's the message here? You can't be two things at once? Maybe, but I figure I'm not what changes. I'm the same no matter where I am. I just gotta figure out where that's supposed to be ...


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